An Empathetic Heart

“Rejoice with those who rejoice,

weep with those who weep.”

–Romans 12:15

A number of years ago, a woman was being ordained as an elder in the Presbyterian Church.  As part of the approval process, she was asked by her Session (local governing body) to tell of one person who had had a great impact on her faith. While both of her parents had served as church officers, too, she spoke that day about her father; sharing a moment that demonstrated his spirit and demeanor. 

“Several years ago,” she said, “on the day before Christmas, I wanted to run to a furniture store not far from downtown, and my father decided to go with me.  When we pulled into the parking lot, we were the only car around, and as we walked to the door, we read the sign:  CLOSED.  We were returning to the car, when I saw a man, who looked pretty rough, crossing all five lanes of a busy road in front of the store heading in our direction. I jumped into the car, started the engine, and put the car into reverse.  

My father didn’t move quite as fast as I did.  I sat there thinking, ‘Come on, Daddy, get in the car.’ But as my father opened the car door, the man, now about six feet from us, called out:  ‘Excuse me, Sir. Could you give me some money to help my family have a Merry Christmas?’  And to my horror, my father pulled out his money clip–which was pretty thick; they were staying with us for a week—and peeled off several bills to hand to this man.  All I could think was—the gun!  He is going to pull out a gun and rob us!  Please let him just take the money!  Please don’t hurt my father!

 “The man never pulled out a gun,” she continued. “Instead he said, ‘Thank you, Sir; and a very Merry Christmas to you.’ My father got back into the car, and I sped off. Now, my father was raised in Newark, New Jersey, and worked most of his business life in New York City, so I felt it was inappropriate for me to start schooling him in the dangers of city life.  I said nothing to him about the incident as we drove home.

“However, the next evening, at Christmas dinner, the story came up. He was seated next to me and I turned to him and said, ‘Daddy, that really scared me!’ And he said, ‘Did it, Crissy?  You know, all my life, people have come up to me to ask for money.  On busy New York streets, people have weaved their way through the crowds to seek me out.  I don’t know what it is:  something about my face or person that makes me seem approachable.  But, you know, I’ve always taken it as a kind of compliment.”

The character trait before us this week is empathy. Merriam-Webster dictionary says  empathy is “being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.”  Crissy’s father certainly embodied that definition.  

In searching the Scriptures, I learned that the Bible never explicitly uses the word “empathy.” Still, it depicts that attribute in action, most clearly in the life of Jesus. 

Matthew tells us that one day when Jesus saw the crowds seeking his healing, how God’s son “had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (9:36) On another occasion when Jesus came upon a funeral procession for the son of a widow, Luke says that he “had compassion for her and said, ‘Do not weep’” (7:13). He then restored the young man to life. And of Jesus the writer of Hebrews said “we do not have a priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who is every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin.” (4:17) 

Each of those accounts depicts empathy, revealing that it comes about when there is a deep connection with the other. When we see our shared humanity and recognize what we have in common, feelings of empathy arise. If, however, the other is looked down upon or viewed as totally unlike oneself, a different set of behaviors surface: judgment or bullying, ridicule or avoidance. It’s no wonder that one North Carolina school district included empathy on its list of desired traits as children can easily respond in the opposite fashion. They are not the only ones.

The Apostle Paul didn’t use the word “empathy” either, but in his letter to the Romans did encourage the trait even so. “Rejoice with those who rejoice” he said and “weep with those who weep.”  Demonstrating in succinct fashion that when one responds in such ways, that empathy is at work. 

Chrissy’s father understood that instinct even though he couldn’t explain why others were drawn to him in their times of need. May we model the same attribute on city streets and in our homes, at work or while on vacation. In other words, wherever God takes us this day.    

God of all people, help me always to see the other as my brother or sister.  And from that shared starting point, to find empathy arising within my heart.  Amen.