“Train children in the right way, 

and when old, they will not stray.”–Proverbs 22:6

Last November, I officiated at the wedding of a niece, my youngest brother’s oldest daughter. That event marked the 14th time (including my mother-in-law and our two children), when I was privileged to hold that role for a member of my family. All of those moments were deeply meaningful. The most recent wedding brought the same blessing and was also the first family one since Covid. As a result, 14 of the bride’s 16 cousins were present. It was a rich, rich time.

At the reception afterwards I struck up a conversation with a friend of the bride’s father.  It turns out that he already knew my oldest brother and before we met had chatted with my two other siblings that evening, too. I forget much of the conversation, but at one point he said to me  “The more Willinghams I meet the more impressed I am with the job your parents did. They must have been amazing people!”  I assured him they were and thanked him for his kind words.  Soon we both were engaged in conversation with others, but those words lingered with me. 

While I wish Mom and Dad had been alive to hear that compliment his kind words make me think of what King Solomon once wrote: “Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray.”  That is the hope for every parent, of course, that their best lessons of word and example will take hold in the child. That their little one–biological, adoptive, or foster–will grow-up to act upon what was learned at home. That each one-time child will become a spiritual, compassionate, and generous adult.  That’s the hope.

Every parent, though, including Lori and me, has moments of wondering if they are doing a good job  Every parent has times of regretting words spoken to their child, wishing they had simply held their tongue; moments of hoping they have prepared their offspring for what they would need in this world, but not being sure; occasions of lamenting the days when life got busy and they weren’t as fully present as they wanted to be. I’m sure my parents, too, had such thoughts. On the day of their wedding (photo above) they had the same hopes and a year later that role began.

The down side to Solomon’s words is that if a child strays from the path, it could be implied as the parent’s fault; that they didn’t do a good enough job. Had that ancient king known what would happen after his death, Solomon would have had cause to doubt his own parenting style, too. The reality, though, is that no parent is perfect. Every mother and father makes mistakes. Even children raised in the most loving household can choose a path 180 degrees from what was modeled for them.  Parenting has long been called the toughest job and for good reason.

Thus, had I been his editor, I would have recommended that Solomon say with good training, a child most of the time will not stray from it. It would have been nice had he followed-up with a verse that said If it doesn’t turn out that way, give yourself some grace for doing the best you could at the time. While its too late to alter what he said, of course, we can still be motivated once again to act in response to it.

So at some point this week, speak a word of encouragement to a parent you know who is busy training the next generation. If you are part of a faith community, volunteer for a role that focuses on the care and nurture of children.  And if you are blessed with little ones under your roof still, take a deep breath as you claim anew the gift of their lives and the key things you are seeking for them to learn from you. 

And while doing all that, celebrate once again how the father of Jesus continues to train you in the way that you are to go. Including finding your way back if you depart from it.    

Divine Parent, you are the only one to fill that role perfectly. Strengthen all who are seeking to train a child this day and help the rest of us to help in that holy work.  Amen.