“See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; 

and that is what we are.”–I John 3:1a

Years ago, I was talking with a woman who owned a furniture store in the small town of my first pastorate. As a couple who lived in church-owned housing, but had little in the way of possessions, Lori and I frequented that store and still have many pieces we purchased there. On one visit, the owner congratulated me on the recent birth of our daughter. I thanked her and made some comment about how different life would be having a second child as our son was 2 ½ years old.  

With a smile, she told me of a recent conversation with their two teenage sons.  I don’t remember the boys’ names; let’s say they were Bill and Bob. One day, Bob asked his parents if he could do something with one of his friends and they said “no.”  “You would let Bill do it,” he said. “You clearly love him more than me!”  An hour later, the older son asked permission to go somewhere, too, and his parents again declined. “You are so unfair.  You let Bob do that kind of thing all the time.  You obviously love him more than me!” The Smothers Brothers always got a laugh in the 1960s when one said to the other “Mom always liked you best!” but this mother was not amused.

She took that son to his brother’s room. With both boys present, she looked at one and said “You say we love your brother more than you.” To the other she added “And you just told us that we love him more than you. Both can’t be true. So, which one is it?” The boys laughed and let the matter drop. As one who grew up in a home with five children, though, (photo shown above) I wouldn’t be surprised if Bill and Bob also resolved right then to use a different approach the next time!   

Any home with more than one child knows that sibling rivalry is a reality. It can live on into adulthood as well. Every parent knows of moments when she or he  can question their response and skill, too. Fortunately, the Biblical narrative reveals that such challenging times are both universal and timeless. 

Rebekah conspired with her younger son Jacob to deceive her husband, obtaining a birthright that belonged to the older son. As a father himself, Jacob showed favoritism years later toward his next-to-youngest son,  and the older eight boys almost killed their sibling before selling Joseph into slavery instead. In the first century. Mary strongly encouraged her son to do something about the shortage of wine at a wedding while on another day  Martha complained to Jesus that her sister wasn’t helping prepare a meal.  While the hymn sings of the “joy of human love, brother, sister, parent, child,” we all know that such love can get complicated. Perhaps that is why the author of First John framed the verse above as he did.

If that writer was the same John who wrote the Fourth Gospel and the son of Zebedee then he was one of the Twelve Apostles. While John is revered now there was an embarrassing day when his brother James and he conspired to reserve a place of honor in eternity. In Mark’s account, they said to Jesus “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” (9:35).  When the other ten disciples learn of their scheming they are furious, perhaps because they had not thought of it first. It was such a bad look for the two brothers that Matthew describes their mother as making the request. In either case, siblings and parents fell short again. 

Perhaps it was the memory of that moment, or the wisdom gained from it that led John to write “See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are.” In other words, John reminds that the only perfect family love is found in our bond with God, thus encouraging all imperfect parents and children, brothers and sisters, to keep trying and then offer grace when they inevitably fall short.

Heavenly Father, what a blessing it is to be part of your household. Help us to claim that gift anew and draw ever-closer to modeling that same love within our own family. Amen.