Words and Deeds

“Little children, let us love, not in word or speech,

but in truth and action.”

–1 John 3:18

Years ago while returning from a family beach vacation, we stopped for lunch at a fast-food restaurant.  As I waited for our order to be filled a customer next to me struck up a conversation. Before I knew it, we–or more accurately, he–had talked about prayer, the need for personal responsibility, crime, trouble in schools, and the place of faith in one’s life.  In most instances, I could not have disagreed with him and would not have had the chance to do so if I had wanted to.

After several minutes of that monologue, we were interrupted as the cashier gave him change for the five dollar bill he had offered for his purchase. Both that amount for his order and the fact that he was using cash gives you an indication of how long ago this interaction took place. As the young woman returned his change, the man said to her, “I gave you ten dollars, not five.”  Apparently the cashier knew him and laughingly replied, “Good try.”  

Now maybe he was just teasing the woman, but it didn’t seem that way to me. Instead, what struck me about the moment was how his final act contradicted most of the words he had shared with me in the minutes prior. He had just concluded a rambling oration about the importance of faith, values, and integrity, yet literally in the next breath tried to get more cash back than he was due. There may be stronger examples of a contradiction between one’s words and deeds, but there aren’t many I have witnessed that occurred any faster.  

It was a different set of contradictions that led to the Biblical words we read moments ago. Written by John, the apostle who also composed the gospel bearing his name, much of the letter focuses on false teachers. He opens the third chapter by saying “See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God, and this is what we are.”  John goes on to speak about signs of love–resisting evil, laying down one’s life for others, helping persons in need.  He then says “Little children let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.” John wasn’t saying that we should not speak loving words, but was declaring that unless our words are matched by deeds, that they will ring empty.  We know that to be true.

Psychologist Albert Mehrabian famously noted that when we speak only 7% of meaning comes from the actual words, 38% from tone of voice and 55% from body language. An AI source added “When spoken words and non-verbal cues align, the message is clear.  When they conflict listeners almost always default to the tone and body language to interpret the speaker’s true intent.” While the young cashier at that fast food restaurant quickly understood the purpose of her customer’s lie, his effort to get more change than due contradicted all of the words he had spoken to me.

To be sure, putting faith into practice is not always easy, but it takes more than uttering the right words. Certainly we are called to grow in speaking and claiming words of faith as our own, but this journey also includes letting the living Word of God take hold of us and shape the ways we act.  Including those moments when we are waiting for change.  

Incarnate Word, help me grow in having the words I speak match the deeds that accompany them.  Amen.